A Strange Kind of Freedom

I’m writing this at 10.30pm, perched on the sofa in my increasingly uncomfortable body, in the middle of a sweltering London heatwave. I’m 35 weeks pregnant. My to-do list is still dangerously long, and I’m trying (with mixed success) to hold myself to the promise of stopping work in two weeks’ time — to allow a little breathing space to get organised before the baby arrives.

To make that even vaguely possible, I’ve been working through weekends. I come home, eat supper, and open the laptop again. All so I can take two months out of the business — a couple of weeks before my daughter is due (if she’s punctual), and about six weeks after. It’s a short pause, and not one I’ve found easy to carve out.

This morning, on my way into the studio, I listened to a podcast — Holly Tucker in conversation with Anita Rani. At one point, Holly spoke about the joy of creating a ‘360 life’. A life where your work, your family, your wellbeing and your friendships all coexist in balance. A life where the secret to having freedom — true freedom — is to start your own business. Do something you love, she said, and you’ll gain the power to shape your days around what matters most.

I normally find myself nodding along with Holly. I do love what I do. I do have control over how I spend my time — at least on paper. But as I sat there on my commute, 35 weeks pregnant, barely holding it together with deadlines, to do lists and endless logistics, it felt like a very strange kind of freedom indeed.

So I’m sat here now, writing an article that won’t be sent until after my little girl has arrived — a sort of reflection on how I imagined this would all unfold when I first found out I was pregnant, versus the reality. And what it’s taught me about the kind of freedom I actually have.

But before we dive in, a small disclaimer: I know how lucky I am to be in this position. To be preparing for motherhood while also running a business I care deeply about is a huge privilege, and I don’t take it lightly. So none of what follows is written as a complaint. It’s just… honest. Because I don’t think we need more toxic positivity. I don’t think we need more glossy “you can have it all!” narratives. Life is full of trade-offs, and running your own business doesn’t make you immune to them — it just gives you a different set. And that’s what I want to talk about.